


A Sunbeam in Winter

by Yubari (aquila_black)



Category: Loveless
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-15
Updated: 2012-11-15
Packaged: 2017-11-18 18:04:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/563886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquila_black/pseuds/Yubari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the kmeme prompt "ritsu/soubi: Masquerade, gentleness." </p><p>Ritsu dedicates some discretionary time to training his favorite student. This story is set a couple of years after Soubi lost his ears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Sunbeam in Winter

Soubi had thought that Ritsu-sensei smiled easily, considering how cold he was; how often and remorselessly he hurt people with a few well-chosen words. He was a violent person who could pass for a peaceful one, because he rarely had to assert himself more than once. Over the years, Soubi had learned to catch his mistakes before Ritsu felt the need to call his attention to them. He knew when not to talk and how to give information concisely. He knew the difference between when he was being consulted and when he was merely being informed. He'd learned to want the things Ritsu thought a good fighter should want, even though Ritsu had never told him what those were. They understood each other, and because of that, their interaction was seamless. Ritsu taught, Soubi learned. Ritsu took, Soubi gave. Ritsu disciplined him long after Soubi stopped being disobedient, because punishment was their context for relating intimately to each other. It gave Ritsu something to inflict, and Soubi something to submit to. When they were together, they were as close to whole as a fighter and a sacrifice who weren't bonded could be. Ritsu never fully accepted that, or forgave it. After Soubi had experienced the worst in him, survived it, and _stayed_ ... he'd warmed up to him a little. But it was only in private that Ritsu gave himself permission to be kind.

Soubi was naked, on all fours in the shower, water dripping off his long hair and making long, red rivulets as it streamed off his scabbed, bleeding back. The boy hissed susceptibly and the muscles in his forearms quivered as Ritsu touched him, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, rubbing the pads of his fingers gently against the softening clots. He removed the little bits that came off easily in his hands and left the bigger patches, squeezing them enough to make them bend and crack and remember how to become healthy skin instead of scar tissue. He worked slowly, feeling Soubi breathe in deeper as his heartbeat slowed down. His head bowed a little lower as he relaxed, submitting to his master's hands. Water streamed off his lips, chin, and the end of his nose, but he maintained just enough of an angle, just enough tension in his neck to keep from choking on it.

Soubi's face was changing a little with adolescence, lengthening ... if he'd looked like his mother before, the resemblance would soon be plain to everyone. But his big eyes and thick, long eyelashes still made him look much younger than thirteen; certainly much younger than an earless adult had any right to. He was so malleable, so eager-to-please, so perfect in all his strength and weakness. Ritsu had never pictured himself loving anyone, not even a half-formed child. But it wasn't simple manipulation that kept him here, when the boy was adequately skilled at treating his own injuries. Ritsu controlled everything that came within his reach, but not by forming two-way bonds. Not by caring. People gave him their soul, whether they meant to or not, because his strength and iron will seduced their pain and brokenness. Without a single spoken word, it said _If you were mine, you would be whole_.

But Soubi had wanted more than instruction, direction, and purpose. He'd put himself completely in Ritsu's hands, and at first, Ritsu had thought this was because he had no judgment and no choice. He'd told himself Soubi was a child: weak. Traumatized. Clingy. Easily cowed and more easily frightened. Over time, though, he'd noticed that Soubi wasn't just in need of a caretaker or an authority figure. Anyone would not do. The boy gravitated specifically, explicitly, to him. Which was troublesome, because when Ritsu didn't want to remember what Soubi's mother looked like, the mere sight of Soubi made him angry - barely in control of a sense of fury and loss that made him extra cruel. This was personal. How could it be otherwise, when this child was the product of a ... which wasn't Soubi's fault. Ritsu didn't care, though. The boy was his, now, and as Soubi didn't have the sense to stay away from him, he became more and more a part of Ritsu.

Connecting, the first few times, felt like they'd embraced through a wall of broken glass. Ritsu had initiated, taking Soubi to the graveyard where his parents were buried and scaring him witless. But it was Soubi who'd climbed into bed with him that night, and categorically refused to leave. Any other adult in the school would have taken pity on him. Any other adult wouldn't have threatened him with punishments that made his fur frizz out, punishments that he was already sufficiently acquainted with to be averse to. But that wasn't enough. Ritsu knew himself too well to believe it, when some part of him grumbled that he would have found some other way to torment Soubi if he'd anticipated this outcome. While Soubi was very much pushing the lower limit of what he'd find sexually appealing, there was some obscure comfort to be found in his quivering defiance, in his willingness to endure whatever Ritsu saw fit to do to him, if that meant that he wouldn't be sent away. He was so cute when he thought he could bargain.

That thought brought Ritsu's attention back to the pliant body making little sounds every time he touched him. Soubi's mouth was half-open and he was breathing more shallowly again, a slight flush starting to warm his face. Ritsu massaged a hand deliberately over the smooth, sensitive skin of his neck, digging his fingers into the contours of Soubi's muscles, constricting his hand sensuously around it like a collar. He turned off the water with a decisive twist of the faucet and for a moment, the only sound was the _drip, drip_ of droplets finding the path of least resistance, sliding precipitously over Soubi's naked (and quickly becoming aroused) body. Ritsu removed his hands for a moment and toweled them dry, letting Soubi feel the loss of contact and the way the air cooled him, enveloping, uncomfortable. Soubi closed his mouth to keep from complaining. The small hairs on his arms and legs started to rise as he got goosebumps.

Despite that, they'd settled into a comfortable silence. Ritsu allowed Soubi a towel just as he started to shiver. Soubi took it gratefully and patted it over himself, taking particular care not to rub his wounds. He stepped out and looked at his sensei, to know if he was supposed to bandage them yet. Ritsu was well pleased with him, so he gave the boy a fractional nod: _go ahead_. It had taken Soubi quite a bit of practice to get the hang of bandaging his ribs evenly, tight enough that it didn't slip but not so much that the elastic became restrictive. You wouldn't know that from the way he wound the fabric around himself now, briskly and correctly. Ritsu watched without comment and then twitched two fingers towards himself in a silent order: _come_. During the (infrequent) school holidays, there was no one to see, so Soubi wrapped the towel around his waist and followed Ritsu back to his own empty, student room. It had many books, a shelf of art supplies, and a set of cuffs draped over the metal headboard of the bed. Otherwise, it could have been anybody's. Soubi didn't own his space any more than he owned himself. Ritsu, of course, needed no invitation. He walked right in and leaned on Soubi's writing desk, sparing a cursory glance for the completed essay on it before turning his attention back to Soubi.

"You're in no condition to lay on your back tonight," Ritsu said. "I can chain you down for the duration, or after we finish. What would you prefer?"

Soubi met his eyes. "If I'm not restrained ... can I touch you?"

Ritsu laughed, a low, dark sound in the back of his throat. "That remains to be seen. For now, just do as you're told. On your belly and spread."

"Understood." It wasn't a standard order, like 'face up' or 'face down,' but there was something especially graphic about Ritsu's choice of words. Soubi could feel desire coiling in his stomach as he obeyed. Wanting something to hold onto, he automatically gripped the bars of the headboard. After a few seconds, Soubi could feel Ritsu's hands spreading his buttocks. He'd mostly gotten the hang of unclenching his muscles.

"Relax more," Ritsu said, spreading lubricant over Soubi's hole, "this device is more unyielding than you're used to."

It was a testament to Soubi's self-discipline that he neither asked 'wait, what are you going to ...?' nor did he tense up when he felt something hard and unfamiliar against his ass. Instead, he let out his breath shakily and tried to comply.

"Good boy." Ritsu murmured. He pushed the buttplug into him slowly, enjoying the way Soubi's body opened to accommodate it and the almost-moan that Soubi barely managed to hold in as his muscles fit into the groove at its base, holding it.

"A-ah," Soubi panted, trying to catch his breath. This felt weird. Even after having had sex several times ... it still surprised him how a minor change could make the process feel new and unfamiliar and put butterflies back in his stomach. Then again, if Soubi was honest, they only time he was truly _not_ nervous around Ritsu was when the situation was so out of his control that he could sink into perfect acceptance. When his life or death and everything in between was in the hands of his master, and nothing he said or did would make a bit of difference, he was at peace. The rest of the time, he had things to prove, live up to, and strive for. Like now. It didn't actually hurt. Or rather, Soubi thought he wouldn't be feeling this slightly overstretched ache if he'd done a better job relaxing when he was ordered to. He flexed his leg muscles a little as he tried to get used to the sensation.

"Is there a problem?" Ritsu asked, completely deadpan. He touched the back of Soubi's balls, running the pads of his fingers over the wrinkled, hypersensitive skin and moving his knuckles over the smooth expanse between his balls and the buttplug. As he cupped them, Soubi shook with the effort of keeping himself from thrashing. A side effect of being physically disciplined, regularly and systematically, was that things that felt straightforwardly good could be over-stimulating. It was much easier for Soubi to keep still when he was being punished or used than when he was being pleasured.

"I ... nngh," Soubi moaned, clenching his teeth together to try and regain some coherence, "please, isn't there ... suh-something I can. Do for ... ?" He couldn't finish.

Ritsu, however, had a pretty good idea of where that thought was going. "Something you can do for me? Aren't you enjoying this?"

Soubi nodded helplessly, half-lidded eyes ablaze with lust. "I am ... but. Not supposed to be ... don't deserve ..."

"Hm. Last I checked, I determine what you do and don't deserve," Ritsu said. 

Soubi's head dropped against his pillow for the moment. Sweat beaded on his brow. Toes curling against the bed, he stammered, "Y-you ... like?"

Ritsu smiled and stroked Soubi between his legs. "Yes."

Soubi's whole body stiffened as Ritsu's hand brushed against his erection.

"Letting yourself be caressed is difficult, but you're adapting. I expect fewer signs of discomfort next time. For now, I want you on your side. Move closer to the wall and face this way." Ritsu said. "And ... hands free."

Soubi scooted immediately, but awkwardly, his erection protesting the lack of contact and the fact that he had to close his legs and move. It didn't actually put any distance between him and Ritsu, because Ritsu laid down next to him, putting a towel down in the space between their hips. The bed sank a little under his weight, in such a way that Soubi had to bend his legs more to keep from rolling towards him. Soubi took in the proximity, the size of him up close, and ragged want intensified in him. With each passing moment, not being touched and not having permission to reach out to him became more excruciating. He stared at the bulge in Ritsu's pants in the silence, and then made himself not look. Soubi knew very well that you could violate someone's boundaries with nothing more than the hungry, lewd intensity in your gaze. But when he pulled them back to Ritsu's face, the corners of his sensei's mouth twitched upwards.

"Given the circumstances, that's appropriate, but unless you want to invite sex ... take care where you let your eyes linger. I'm going to keep touching you," Ritsu said, in a sensual voice that sent shivers down Soubi's spine. Then he lowered it. "While I do that, I want you to try to bring me off with your hands."

Soubi startled a little as Ritsu put his fingers against Soubi's mouth, but he opened it obediently for him and licked, wetting his hand up to the knuckles. Soubi managed to undo the button on Ritsu's pants and lower the zipper as Ritsu slid his hand in and out, over Soubi's warm tongue, past the sensitive place where his throat used to catch on things and make him gag. Soubi fumbled with his underwear and Ritsu obligingly removed it. He had prominent hipbones ... the part of Soubi that was training himself to draw bodies registered that, even as he reached tentatively for Ritsu's mostly-hard cock. The skin there was incredibly soft. Like a secret. Like flower petals. Ritsu hissed lightly, sucking air between his teeth as Soubi touched him, and settled a spit-slicked hand around Soubi's erection. He squeezed, almost painfully, traced wet lines up and down its length, and then started pumping it rhythmically in and out.

Ritsu's voice was thick with lust when he spoke, but perfectly steady. "You're going to ejaculate on command. Tell me when you're getting close. Do not change your pace or remove your hands."

"Understood," Soubi said, glad that he could convey his obedience in a word short enough that the obscene noises Ritsu's attentions were wringing out of his body didn't interrupt it. He was grudgingly impressed that his sensei managed to string complete sentences together while being jerked off. Jealous of his self-discipline ... but impressed. Having something wet and warm fucking his cock felt like the most amazing physical sensation in the world. It took all his willpower to keep his attention on trying to get as much of a response out of Ritsu as possible. He didn't know when he'd get another chance like this. Maybe if he was good enough at it, though, it wouldn't just be a lesson to master and set aside. There were a few things they did together just because Ritsu liked them, and Soubi wanted to be pressed close.

The slide of skin on skin, fabric moving against sheets, and the sound of breathing filled the room. Soubi's muscles clenched unpredictably around the thing inside him, heightening his arousal. The tendons stood out a little on Ritsu's neck as Soubi moved his hand up and down his cock. He had a relatively even grip, but hadn't quite lost the tentativeness of someone who was new at this, the tendency to push down a little with one finger or another and overcompensate when he realized by relaxing it. Most of the clever things Soubi had learned to apply to his spells intuitively carried over to the way he tried to do anything unfamiliar, but sex was emotional for him, somehow. Soubi didn't have his usual detachment, though the determination to do well and improve quickly was there. Ritsu suspected that, to the extent that he didn't push him, Soubi would willingly drag this out. And it was delicate, because while he had to remove all trace of ineptness from this fighter, part of Soubi's charm lay in his ability to touch exactly like this, with reverence; with the concentrated attention and humility of someone who didn't have a set procedure to follow. They would have to keep that.

Soubi made a plaintive sound in the back of his throat. "I'm ah-bout ten seconds away from-" He clenched his teeth together as Ritsu slowed down.

"Hold yourself back," Ritsu said, without remorse.

"I. Nngh ..." Soubi groaned. He dug his heel into the bed as his body demanded exactly the opposite of what he was getting, and somehow managed not to buck his hips.

"That's an order," Ritsu added.

Soubi nodded, panting softly, and clenched his teeth together as Ritsu pressed a finger, hard, against the underside of his erection, to illustrate the point. It hurt momentarily. Although being closely controlled made Soubi that much more excited than he'd been a moment ago, letting go was somehow more do-able. He also saw, with tense satisfaction, that he was managing to keep his hands mostly steady and their rhythm constant. He'd been telling himself to do that, but more and more, it felt like his body listened to Ritsu directly. He'd lost track, for a moment, of what he was supposed to be doing. But he hadn't stopped doing it. That was right. Conversely, paying unnecessary attention to himself when he was being used wasn't. Soubi refocused on Ritsu-sensei. Ritsu's breath hitched as Soubi's heightened presence changed the quality of the touch, from mechanical to deliberate.

Ritsu pressed his upper lip against his teeth with his tongue and ran the hand that wasn't jerking Soubi off through the boy's silken hair, before jamming it under Soubi's ribs to feel the cuts on his back, right through the bandages. Soubi obligingly supported his weight on his hip and shoulder, while Ritsu settled it a little under his heartbeat. Magical energy pulsed under and through his hand.

Soubi was about to ask if he should try to send power through his touch, as well, before realizing it had filtered into every part of him and was already making a complete circuit through them both. Every one of his wounds drank it in, and every millimeter of unbroken skin hummed with it. And then another sensation hit him, very hard. He was extremely grateful that Ritsu had slowed down, because like this, he was barely keeping himself from coming. "I'm barely" - _haa_ \- "managing to ... not ..." Soubi stammered.

Ritsu locked eyes with him. "Beg me for permission," he said.

Soubi looked at him in confusion, unsure if he'd get in more trouble for disobeying or for obeying. When in doubt, obedience was generally ... "please," he said, the word only leaving his mouth with great effort, "I ... can't resist you." But more wouldn't come out. _I want_ was impossible, shameful. He couldn't try to convince his master to indulge him. This body existed to be used. As uncomfortable and frustrating as it would be to not be allowed to come, when he was this aroused, it wouldn't break him. It wasn't important. So all he really wanted was - "show me how best to obey you, please."

Ritsu's hand on Soubi's erection stopped moving altogether. "I just told you to beg for release."

"I don't think ... I can," Soubi said, wretchedly.

Ritsu's expression was like ice. "Then you don't have permission." He started pumping his hand back and forth, deliberately, over Soubi's cock.

Soubi whacked his head violently against his pillow, wishing it was something much more unforgiving. Something he could hurt himself against.

"The parts of you that I haven't specifically engaged will be still," Ritsu said.

Soubi momentarily experienced the claustrophobic sensation of being trapped in his own body, as the option of moving was taken away from him. He stilled, fighting panic. _Options,_ he thought, _what are my options?_ They were few, and organized themselves in his mind immediately. _I can talk. I can keep pleasuring him. I can ... oh._ Soubi opened his mouth. "I w..." Self-loathing slammed into him. He was overcome with hatred at the idea of a fighter that would have the gall to say, to his master's face, "I want." It was unforgivable. It could not exist. And as that went through him, Soubi could feel himself start to go soft. Despite being as excited as he'd ever been, and despite being stimulated in a way that had been driving him crazy five seconds before, he wasn't about to come now. A strange light shone in his eyes as he started to speak again, but Ritsu cut him off.

"Stop. You are not the rightful target of what you just felt. _I forbid you_ to turn that against yourself." Ritsu said.

Some orders, Soubi enforced. Others felt like steel chains around his neck. And this one ... felt oddly like protection. Soubi realized his hands had just stopped, and started moving them back and forth again with a start, but Ritsu immediately removed them. "Was that bad?" Soubi wanted to know.

Ritsu shook his head a little. "You did well. Open your legs at the knee."

As Soubi complied, Ritsu put one of his legs between them, licked his own fingers slowly, and wrapped his wet hand around Soubi's half-hard cock.

"You've never been safe with me. But I was there when you lost everything, and I hold you back when you're three words away from breaking yourself." Ritsu leaned in closer. "No more words for you, until we finish. Instead, tell me: how does it feel, to know that you're loved? Use sounds. Use _yourself_." He whispered, and his words sent a thoroughly manipulated, sensual shudder down Soubi's spine.

Soubi _mmhed_ and showed his neck and whined like a puppy, and then tried to censor an obscene moan, until Ritsu slapped him lightly on the jaw. He panted and licked dry lips, and grabbed onto the sheets hard, because he didn't have anything to grab onto. His legs flexed around Ritsu's and he bucked his hips a little into his hand before a feeling like ice water pooling in his stomach overcame him. He gauged the fondness in Ritsu's eyes and took a risk, reaching a hand out in his direction with an imploring look, and found himself crushed against his sensei, hurting and uncomfortable and incredibly aroused. They never quite fit together, but it was so close. If you just didn't care about the pain it was perfect. Soubi remembered, all of a sudden, his instructions from before and inflected a question into his voice.

Ritsu angled Soubi's erection down into the towel, and said "go ahead," still hugging the boy close.

Soubi thought he was never going to stop coming. It was the most intense orgasm he'd ever had, like a star expanding deep in his body, and growing until 'his body' didn't mean anything at all. Didn't limit him. It was a conduit for pleasure, making him feel until he didn't understand how feeling _more_ was possible, and didn't care. Ritsu-sensei wanted him like this, half dead from ecstasy, and he was.

Ritsu watched him - the wonder, the pleasure, the vulnerability that tore through him. This thing he could reward Soubi with when he deigned to, because Soubi relinquished all control to him, was sublime. Training someone who deserved the effort Ritsu put into him, though, who was insatiable, intelligent, talented, and desperately malleable, was even better. It was his soul that Ritsu was proud to own, and his soul that Ritsu could stand to lay in bed, holding _this body_ for, while the boy filtered back down to self-awareness.

Soubi winced a little as Ritsu cleaned him off with the towel, and groaned in pain as he extricated the buttplug. Soubi's body was responding to every little thing, and moving cost him. He put his arms out submissively and let Ritsu chain him to the headboard, face down. _The bargain,_ he recalled distantly, _to be immobilized now or later_. But all of that was positioning, training ... half-serious and half-play, because Ritsu did what he wanted with Soubi anyway. It was hard for Soubi to focus or find words, as Ritsu got his clothes. Sensei's face was settling into its usual impassivity, though, as if he had to deal with other people again; other things beyond this secret closeness.

Ritsu turned at the door of the room, saying, "my day is not finished." That minimal explanation was more than he'd feel he owed anyone else, but it was just _barely_ enough. He left Soubi alone in the dark.


End file.
